


Just The Thought Of You (I Start Feeling Butteflies)

by lizchester



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying over Derek always, M/M, The Hale Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 15:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizchester/pseuds/lizchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek had been seven years old when he realized that his love killed things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just The Thought Of You (I Start Feeling Butteflies)

Derek had been seven years old when he realized that his love killed things.

With the family secret, young Derek’s life was different from the rest of the kids his age. When all the other children in Beacon Hills went to a normal elementary school and played with friends on the weekends, Derek was home schooled and only ever left the Hale family property on special occasions. He was still new to controlling his wolf, after all, and his family didn’t want to risk an episode that would ruin their cover. So Derek was secluded most of the time, and there was only so much time that could pass before Laura went off to a normal school and he became lonely for companionship. It was one sunny afternoon when his mother let him play outside that Derek found Tiny.

“Woah,” Derek had gasped, looking down at the bright white butterfly that had landed on his arm. He giggled when the small thing didn’t fly away, instead taking the opportunity to roam over the outside of his palm, and Derek turned around to check if anyone was around to see it. He could hear his mom moving dishes inside of the house, so he turned back to the butterfly and whispered “my names Derek, you’re pretty. What’s your name?”

The butterfly didn’t reply.

“You’re the quiet type, huh? I’ll call you Tiny, cuz you’re not as big as the rest of the things in the forest.” Derek debated screaming for his mom to come closer, but he didn’t want to startle Tiny. Instead, he cupped his hands over the butterfly and felt it faintly flutter under his grip. “Hold on, okay?”

When Derek had run back into the house, his mother was waiting for him. “What’ve you got there?” she asked, an amused smile on her lips when the younger Hale thrust out his closed palms toward her face. Derek grinned in response, but the smile quickly faded when he opened his palms and saw a crumpled mess where Tiny used to be. He saw a wing twitch faintly, but soon the small mass in his hand grew still.

“But he was fine a minute ago,” Derek whispered, not fully understanding what had happened. His mother frowned slightly, but looked at him sympathetically before reaching towards his palm and covering his small hands with her own.

“You have to be careful, sweetie,” His mother told him, crouching down so they were at eye level and Derek could smell the lilac in her hair. “We’re a lot stronger than other things out there, so we have to make sure that we don’t hurt things by accident.” He had only nodded solemnly then and accepted a hug, but Derek didn’t go outside for the rest of the day and stopped trying to go near other things in the forest for fear of hurting them. Whenever he saw other butterflies soaring through the sky or sitting on flowers, he could only remember Tiny’s disheveled mess of a body before he was running in the other direction.

When Derek had finally been enrolled into high school, he felt just as alone as he had been when he was home schooled. Sure, he participated in his classes and was one of the best members on the swim team, but nobody seemed to notice him besides the pretty face and family background.

Then he met Kate.

Kate Argent was gorgeous, all lean limbs and wicked smiles that circled around him like he was a flame. Derek had recieved attention from girls before, sure, but none of them had gotten through his defenses and made him feel alive like she did. She was interested in his personal life, knew how to have a good time, and introduced him to the wonders of teenage lust. When Derek took two steps forward, Kate Argent ran four ahead. He was enamored with her, and soon she became the fire and he was the moth. To put it simply, Derek fell. Hard.

He remembers the evening where he had been greeted by Kate after swim practice ended, her firm body pressing against his own and her hands sliding down his waist as she bit his ear. “How about we go back to your place?” She had whispered, laughing slightly when Derek nipped at her neck in response.

“You know we can’t do that,” Derek said against her mouth a few seconds later, sliding his hands down the small of her back, “My family is home and I can’t just take you through the front do- oh my god.”

Kate grinned, and Derek had long since categorized the light in her eyes as a vicious persistence that meant she wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Come on, there has to be another way in? A back door, maybe? You told me once that you have those cellars underneath your house or something.”

Derek knew he shouldn’t have, could feel his wolf prickling with the threat of danger and protesting wildly, but he pushed the impulse away as he looked at the very eager Kate Argent and mistook her excitement for lust. “Fine. You have to promise you’ll be quiet, though.” Derek’s mind had flickered briefly to the thought of Kate eventually meeting his mom, and in a way she had. But it was in a way that Derek would have never imagined at the age of sixteen. Kate Argent was a flame, and oh how she _burned._

Years later, as Derek’s life becomes smothered with tragedy and anger and pain and he carries the ashes of his family in his pockets, the now older Hale watches a teenage couple reunite as Lydia’s love saves the lives of nine people. He should feel happy that this is over, relieved at the least, but all he can remember is the butterflies and how his love killed dozens instead. He wonders what he’s been doing wrong all this time, why he’s so cursed, and he lets the familiar wave of sadness roll over him like a tide. It’s only when his eyes wander and he sees Stiles looking at him across the room that he stops, looking at the mirrored pain in the young boys eyes and feeling a slight pang of compassion that seems alien to him. Because Stiles may be that annoyingly chatty kid that won’t stop throwing himself in danger and refusing to listen to reason most of the time, but right now he’s just a slightly shattered teenager who may have just lost the love of his life for good and can’t control anything around him. So when Stiles offers him a weak smile as their eyes meet, Derek doesn’t look away or glare. He smiles back, just a little bit.

He isn’t sure when Stiles becomes more than a helping hand or a weak smile, but soon the younger boy becomes a type of butterfly that Derek doesn’t want to let go. He wants to store him in the palm of his hands forever and make sure he never flies away, because somehow Stiles dug a way into his heart that he’ll never be able to patch up. And that terrifies him. Because sooner or later, Stiles is going to be another crushed fragment that he’ll have to clean up.

“Stiles.”

Derek can feel a vibrating hum against his lips, before Stiles drags him closer and slots his mouth in a slick mess against the werewolf’s own. He can taste a slight amount of blood from the younger boy’s split lip in his mouth, and Derek’s movements are frantic and desperate because his entire body is on overdrive and screaming _StilesStilesStilesStilesisSafeStilesAlmostDiedStilesStilesStiles_ like some sort of siren. It takes him a moment to regain his senses and stop kissing Stiles back like his life depended on it, but when he pulls back it takes all his effort not to flinch at the sight of the bruises.

“Hey no, when did we decided that we were going to stop kissy tim-” Stiles starts, but he seems to notice something in Derek’s face that makes him shut up. “…What’s wrong? Derek, I’m fine. See, all my arms and legs intact.”

But Stiles isn’t fine. “You could’ve died, why would you-” Derek says after a moment, and it takes him a second to recover before he’s able to speak again and takes a step back, “No. I can’t do this to you.”

“What-“

“You went into a trap. Intended for me.”

“Derek, I’m fine. Seriously, Scott was right behind me-“

“You’re not.”

“Derek-“

“You’re going to die one of these days, Stiles,” Derek hears himself growling and he can feel his nails digging into his palms. “One of these days, you’re going to walk into one of those rooms for me and no amount of words or witty retorts will keep you from dying. I’ll crush you. You're so-”

It takes a minute for the space to be something else besides labored breathing as Stiles stares at him with a mixture of shock and confusion, but something seems to click in his head and the words that leave his mouth leave Derek feeling entirely off guard.

“For an Alpha who keeps trying to convince everyone that he’s a big, bad wolf, you’re such an idiot sometimes,” Stiles responds with a huff of clipped laughter, “I have waited years for this, and that’s also years of time keeping myself alive. I know I’m not all wolfed out like you guys and I bruise easier, but I can take care of myself sometimes. And out of all the possible things that could hurt me, you’re the lowest on that list. Whatever you’re going to say right now about danger and my choices or whatever, save it, because I’m not even going to go into the amount of times you’ve saved my life and I trust you.” Stiles’ mouth settles into a hard line then, but Derek could still hear the frantic beating of his heart underneath his skin. “So for the love of god, can we make out now or am I just going to die from waiting instead?”

And, finally, Derek relaxes.

Derek may kill everything he loves, but Stiles isn’t a butterfly that will wilt under his grasp. He’s an anchor. He’s strong and keeps Derek grounded better than anything and he’ll spend the rest of his life proving it if he has to.

And no matter how hard Derek might crush, he somehow gets the feeling that Stiles will push harder.


End file.
